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Out of my mind. Back in five minutes
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Unite against togetherness!
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Reality Sucks! I’m Gonna Keep On Dreamin
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No fear! (NAME) is here!
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I Don’t Like The Drugs, But The Drugs Like Me
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Life’s a bitch. Be its pimp
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I’m better than normal, I’m abnormal!
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A drunken man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts
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Save a tree, eat a beaver
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By the time you read this, you’ve already read it
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Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them
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Quitting smoking is easy, I’ve done it a hundred times
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I don’t curse, drink and smoke. H*ly shit! My cigarette fell in my glass of beer!
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Dont steal, the government hates competition
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If you hate me, i love you too. It ain’t my fault i’m better than you
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Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
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Save a horse, ride a Cowboy!
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The higher you are, the farther you fall
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Intelligence could be instinct which has it at the wrong end
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When life hands you a lemon, break out the tequila and the salt!
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What is arrogance? Thinking you can compete with me!
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I’ve lost my phone number, can I have yours?
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Not me, not now, maybe later…
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Life’s a beach… Surf it up!
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Trying is the first step towards failure
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I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot
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If it is tourist season, why can’t we shoot them?
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Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but milk do?
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Smile and the world smiles with you. Fart and you stand alone
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I’m more drunk than a three-legged chicken on a wet patch of ice!
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When I’m good I’m very good but when I’m bad I’m better
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To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all life’s problems
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WaNnA PLaY ArMy?? ... Ok! SiT BaCk AnD i’LL BLoW ThE HeLL OuT oF YoU!
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I avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it
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I love work; it fascinates me; I can sit and watch it for hours
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Booze may not be the answer, but it helps you to forget the question
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Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
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There are no stupid questions, just stupid people
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Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?
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When cows laugh, does milk come out of their nose?
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Gravity always wins
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The easiest way to avoid a hangover is to just stay drunk
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There are some that are wise and others that are otherwise
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I’m not an alcoholic. I am a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings
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Buy land, they have quit making it!
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Don’t judge a man by his boxers, it’s what’s inside that counts
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I’m not suffering from insanity, I’m enjoying every minute of it
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Eat healthy, exercise more, still die
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Politicians prefer unarmed peasants
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Time is what keeps things from happening all at once
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Women/Men who seek to be equal with men/women lack ambition
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What happens if you get scared half to death… twice?
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Smile, it makes people wonder what you’re up too..
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Sometimes I wish I were you, just so I could be friends with me
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Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most
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If marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws
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I don’t have to be careful, I’ve got a gun
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Children in the dark cause accidents. Accidents in the dark cause children
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Oh my god, you killed Kenny!
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Statistics are used by people who have no proof
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Divorce: from the Latin word meaning “to rip a man’s heart out through his wallet”
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You’ll never get rid of a bad temper by losing it!
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If you act crazy all your life, they’ll never be able to commit you
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In the land of the skunks he who has half a nose is king
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Whoever said money can’t buy happiness, didn’t know where to shop
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I like to con and insult people, that’s why I chose to become a Consultant
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Mental Health is overrated
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Be The Change You Wish To See
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All generalizations are false
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A clean dwelling place is the sign of a disturbed mind
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This isn’t school! This is Hell with flourecent lighting
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The funny thing about Common sense is that it’s not very common
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Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense
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Next week there can’t be any crisis. My schedule is full already
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War does not determine who is right… but who is left
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If you are drinking to forget, pay in advance
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If at first you do not succeed, destroy all evidence that you ever tried
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Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital dying of nothing
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In the event of an emergency landing why do the people in the pamflet look so calm?
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I can’t wait to see how you look when I’m naked
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Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three rights do make a left
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3 words to ruin a guys ego..is it in??
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You can better lose a lover than love a loser
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I’m only crazy when other people cant stand that I’m right
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Women/Men are like public toilets, they are either taken or full of shit
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Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one
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Work harder: People on welfare depend on you
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Me breaking the rules? No. I test their elasticity
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Be back later…my dog ate my car keys….we are hitchhiking to the vet’s office
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We came, we saw, we drank beer
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Geniuses are never understood in their own lifetimes
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You can trust the government, just ask the Indians
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Be nice to your children. For they will be choosing your nursing home someday
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Don’t drink and drive. You might spill your beer
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Save water, drink beer
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Everybody makes mistakes, thats why they put erasers on pencils
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People who think they know everything are annoying to those of us who do
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Conserve water, drink beer
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The rich get richer and the poor get children
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Don’t breed them if you can’t feed them
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Drugs cause amnesia, and other things I can’t remember
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Harrasing me about my smoking may be hazardous to your health!
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Marriage is not like war: You sleep with the enemy
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Don’t lead me to temptation… I can find it by myself
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A good lawyer knows the law, a great lawyer knows the judge
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The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else
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Bad Spellers Untie!
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You must master your joystick, as a fisherman masters bait
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Those who know do not say, those who say do not know
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The road to success is always under construction
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I’m looking forward to regretting this
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‘Pessimist’ is a word used by optimists to describe someone who sees the world for what it really is
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Alcohol releases the inner retard in all of us…
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Life is like a pack of chewing-gum; I’ve yet to figure out why
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Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
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When I’m not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
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I’d explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
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If you’re going my way, I’ll walk with you.
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A wise monkey never monkies with another monkey’s monkey!
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Everyones entitled to be stupid but you are abusing the priviledge
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§omewhere There’§ §omeone Who Dream§ Of Your §mile, And Find§ In Your Pre§ence That Life I§ Worth While, §o When You Are Lonely, Remember It’s True: §omebody, §omewhere Is Thinking Of You
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Never start frowning because you never know who’s falling in love with your smile :-)
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Well if I called the wrong numba, whyd you answer ?
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There’s a light at the end of every tunnel, just pray it’s not a train.
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It’s not the size of the dog, It’s the size of the fight in the dog!
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Last night I was looking at the stars and I was wondering where the heck is my ceiling!
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YOU laugh because i m different i laugh because you’re all the same. ! hehehe
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To the world your just one person but to one person you could mean the world
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whats betta? a lie that draws a smile or the truth that draws a tear?
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Last night I looked up at the stars and matched each one with a reason why I love you I was doing great, but then I ran out of stars
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Our eyes are placed in front because it is more important to look ahead than to look back
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Do u believe in love at first site? or should i walk by again? Or should I bite?
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Would you catch me if i fall.do you even notice me…at all?
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DONT wish UPON A STAR REACH FOR ONE
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God created men first, cause you always make a rough draft before a masterpiece!
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Ti’s better to let someone think you are an Idiott than to open your mouth and prove it
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I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh,But I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry
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Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened
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If u needs space join NASA baby!
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Dream as if you’ll live forever…Live as if you’ll die
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Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film.
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