|
|
4月2日
Apologies for the intrusion,
I do not usually send out this kind of email however I am forwarding this to you as I feel strongly about this decision and do hope collectively we can make a change. Please read the information below and if like myself you feel that this decisions is wrong you may wish to sign the official petition to No.10.
God preserve us from politicians...
Please forward this to as many people as possible!!! (British Citizens)
The world-famous Red Arrows have been banned from appearing at the 2012 London Olympics because they are deemed 'too British'.
Organisers of the event say that the Arrows military background might be 'offensive' to other countries taking part in the Games. The display team have performed at more than 4000 events worldwide, but the Department of Culture, Media and Sport have deemed the display team 'too militaristically British.' Red Arrows pilots were said to be 'outraged', as they had hoped to put on a truly world class display for the Games, something which had never been seen before. Being axed from a British-based event for being 'too British' is an insult - the Arrows are a symbol of Britain.
The Red Arrows have been excellent ambassadors for British overseas trade, as they display their British-built Hawk aircraft all over the world.
The Arrows performed a short flypast in 2005 when the winning bid was announced, but their flypast at the Games was to have been truly spectacular.
It is to be hoped that common sense prevails.
If you disagree with this decision, sign the petition on the link http://petitions.pm.gov.uk/RedArrows2012/?ref=redArrows2012
Forward this on to everyone you can.
What the hell is this country coming to? 10月15日
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as 'Euro-English'.
In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in favour of 'k'. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced with 'f'. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'.
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl
10月3日
A cowboy walks into the dentist's office and after the dentist
examines him, he says, "Tex, that tooth has to come out, I'm going to give
you a shot of Novocain - I'll be back in a few minutes."
The cowboy grabs the doc's arm, "No way Doc ....I hate needles and I'm not
having any damn shot!"
So the dentist says, "Okay, then we'll have to go with the gas."
The cowboy replies, "Absolutely not...it makes me sick for a couple of
days. I ain't having any of that gas!"
So the dentist steps out and comes back with a glass of water. "Here,
take this pill."
"What is it?" asks the cowboy. The doc replies, "Viagra."
The cowboy looks surprised and asks, "Will that kill the pain?"
"No," replies the dentist, "but it will give you something to hang on to
while I pull your tooth!" 11月28日
|
|
Well, I never knew that !!!!
In the 1400's a law was set forth that a man was not allowed to beat
his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the
rule of thumb".
Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled
"Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered
into the English language.
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV was Fred
and Wilma Flintstone
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.
Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
Coca-Cola was originally green.
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour:
61,000
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king in history:
Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in
the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in
the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If
the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural
causes.
Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until
you would find the letter "A"?
A. One thousand
Q. What do bullet-proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and
laser printers all have in common?
A. All invented by women.
Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey
In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.
When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed
firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... "goodnight, sleep tight."
It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a
month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law
with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because
their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month,
which we know today as the honeymoon.
In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old
England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them
"Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down." It's where we get the
phrase "mind your P's and Q's"
Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the
rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they
used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase
inspired by this practice.
Don't delete this just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you
can read it..........
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg.
The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid aoccdrnig to rscheearch at
Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a
wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be
in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed
it wouthit a porbelm Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey
lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amazing huh?
~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~~~
At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow | | | 11月9日 Check out my Tagworld
See ya there!!!! Sorry but you gotta be over 18 Well done me Its been over a Year since I gave up Smoking Go Me . 9月19日
Men Don't do it if you know whats good for you
Hard work getting a Job
8月15日 What Have Msn done to Space land it looks real NAFF now people I know have spent months on their Spaces getting them to look great.
Msn come along & Change the layout With no Warning now they look Naff so some people Have DELETED their Spaces & I think its a real waste. Some of these space where really great & its a real pitty.
PUT IT BACK HOW IT WAS PLEASE
7月15日 To all that voted for Nikki
Its about time she went Well done People.
Thankyou !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 7月11日
|
1. The Female always makes THE RULES.
2. THE RULES are subject to change without notice.
3. No Male can possible know all THE RULES.
4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all THE RULES, she must immediately change some of THE RULES.
5. The Female is never wrong.
6. If it appears the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding caused by something the Male did or said wrong.
7. If Rule #6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.
8. The Female can change her mind at any time.
9. The Male must never change his mind without the express, written consent of The Female.
10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The Female must, under no circumstances, let the Male know whether she wants him to be angry or upset.
13. The Male is expected to read the mind of the Female at all times.
14. At all times, what is important is what the Female meant, not what she said.
15. If the Male doesn't abide by THE RULES, it is because he can't take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp.
16. If the Female has PMS, all THE RULES are null and void and the Male must cater to her every whim.
17. Any attempt to document THE RULES could result in bodily harm.
18. If the Male, at any time, believes he is right, he must refer to Rule #5. |
6月18日
|
| An old man was in bed with his wife when suddenly he let out a loud fart. He yelled, "7 points!"
His wife looked at him and said, "What the hell are you doing?"
He simply replied, "Just playing bed football."
Ten minutes later the wife let a loud one and said, "Tie game - 7,7."
The husband's competitive side kicked in and he started starting straining... when suddenly he crapped his pants! His wife looks over and said, "Now what's the score?"
He said, "Still 7,7. End of quarter switch sides!!!" |
6月9日
|
One day the big animals and the little animals decided to have a football game. As the first half went along, the big animals were scoring at will. Every time they got the ball they would run it in for a touchdown.
Then came the second half...
First play: The elephant runs the ball up the middle. WAP!! Tackled for a five yard loss.
The little animals go back to the huddle cheering and congratulating each other.
"Who made that tackle?" asked the ant.
"I did," said the centipede.
Second play: The rhinoceros runs the ball up the middle. WHOMP!! Tackled for another five yard loss.
Back in the huddle the flea asked, "Who made that great stop?" "I did," said the centipede.
Third play: The gorilla tries an end sweep, led by the hippo throwing the lead blocks. SMACK!! Centipede tackles him for a ten yard loss.
Back in the huddle, the gnat asked the centipede, "Where were you in the first half?"
The centipede replied, "Puttin' on my shoes!" |
6月7日 For F*** Sake someone VOTE Nikki Out of the Big Brother house
Please
6月6日
A good, sensible set of rules... I advise you all print this off and display
prominently in your sitting rooms..... just dont tell her it was my idea...
1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.
2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions.If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).
3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me.
If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I wont have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.
4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a
refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell from the second floor....it wont happen.
5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the
fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.
6. Please, please, please!! if you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say "get over it, its only a game", or "don't worry, they'll win next time". If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called "words of encouragement" will only lead to a break up or divorce.
7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying "one" game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "spend time together".
8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.
9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related
parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.
10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.
11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as
important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but you have already seen this...why don't you change the channel to something we can all watch??", the reply will be: "Refer to Rule #2 of this list".
12. And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years". I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier League, etc etc.
Thank you for your compliance.
6月4日
|
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it was and always will be yours.
If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.
If, however, it just sits in your living room,
messes up your stuff, eats your food,
uses your telephone, takes your money, and never appears to have noticed that
you actually set it free in the first place,
You either married it or gave birth to it! |
6月3日
|
| These individual quotes were reportedly taken from actual employee performance evaluations in a large US Corporation.
(1) ''Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom.....and has started to dig.''
(2) ''His men would follow him anywhere, ....... but only out of morbid curiosity.'
(3) ''I would not allow this employee to breed.''
(4) ''This employee is really not so much of a 'has-been', but more of a definite 'won't be'.''
(5) ''Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.''
(6) ''When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.''
(7) ''He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.''
(8) ''This young lady has delusions of adequacy.''
(9) ''He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.''
(10) ''This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.''
(11) ''This employee should go far, ..... and the sooner he starts, the better.''
(12) ''Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.''
(13) ''A gross ignoramus—144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.''
(14) ''He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless.''
(15) ''He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier.''
(16) ''I would like to go hunting with him sometime.''
(17) ''He's been working with glue too much.''
(18) ''He would argue with a signpost.''
(19) ''He has a knack for making strangers immediately detest him.''
(20) ''He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.''
(21) ''When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.''
(22) ''If you see two people talking and one looks bored, ..... he's the other one.''
(23) ''A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.''
(24) ''A prime candidate for natural deselection.''
(25) ''Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.''
(26) ''Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.''
(27) ''Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it.''
(28) ''If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.''
(29) ''If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.''
(30) ''If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the oceans.''
(31) ''It's hard to believe that he beat 1,000,000 other sperm to the egg.''
(32) ''One neuron short of a synapse.''
(33) ''Some drink from the fountain of knowledge;..... he only gargled.''
(34) ''Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.''
(35) ''The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.''
|
6月1日
| |
|
Some people grow old gracefully, while others fight and scratch the whole way.
Andy's wife, refusing to give in to the looks of growing old, goes out and buys a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger.
After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asks her husband - "Darling, honestly, if you didn't know me, what age would you say I am?"
Looking over her carefully, Andy replied,...
"Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty five."
"Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed. Just as she was about to tell Andy his reward, he stops her by saying...
"WHOA, hold on there sweety!" Andy interrupted.
"I haven't added them up yet!"
|
5月29日
|
| A doctor at an (insane) asylum decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well.
As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, ''Up nuts!''
And the inmates complied by standing up. After the anthem he yelled, ''Down nuts!'' And they all sat.
After a home run he yelled, ''Cheer nuts!'' And they all broke into applause and cheers.
Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge.
When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what happened.
The assistant replied, ''Well...everything was fine until some guy walked by and yelled, ''PEANUTS!''
|
5月24日
|
| Two guys were working at a sawmill one day when one of the guys got too close to the blade and cut off his arm. His buddy put the severed arm in a plastic bag and rushed it down to the hospital to get re-attached. The next day he goes to see his chum, and finds him playing tennis. "Incredible!," says his friend. "Medical science is amazing."
Another month goes by and the same two guys are again at the sawmill working when the same guy gets too close to the spinning blade and this time his leg gets cut off. Again his buddy takes the leg, puts it in a plastic bag and takes it to the hospital to get re-attached. The next day, he goes down to see his chum and finds him outside playing football. "Incredible!," says his friend. "Medical science is amazing!"
Well another month goes by and again the same two friends are at the mill cutting wood when suddenly the same guy bends down too close to the blade and off comes his head. Well his friend takes the head, puts it in a plastic bag, and heads to the hospital to get it re-attached. The next day he goes to see his friend but can't find him. He sees the doctor walking down the hall and says, "Doc, where is my friend? I brought him in yesterday." The doctor thinks for a minute and says, "Oh yeah, some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated."
| Click here to go To my Guestbook 5月23日
|
|
Four surgeons were sitting around discussing whothey like to operate on.
The first surgeon said, "I like operating onlibrarians. When you open them up everything is in alphabetical order".
The second surgeon said, "I like operatingon accountants. When you open them up everything is in numerical order".
The third surgeon said, "I like operating onelectricians. When you open them up everything is color coded.
The fourth surgeon said, "I like operatingon lawyers".
The other three surgeons looked at each other indisbelief. One of them asked why.
The fourth surgeon replied, "Because theyare heartless, gutless, spineless, and their ass and head are interchangeable".
|
Click here to go To my Guestbook.
|
工具 
